Romans 7:15 (NKJV)
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”
Have you ever had a day where you think everything is moving along fine and then you do something that destroys it all? I had one recently. I would like to say my behavior was totally out of character, but obviously that is not true or it would not have happened. There is an old saying, “what’s down in the well comes up in the bucket”. I think that is what Paul is eluding to in this verse. We all have that natural side of us that sometimes shows itself no matter how much we would rather it stay hidden, no matter how much we would like to think it is gone. This was an obvious reminder that my natural man is still very much alive and well.
I would like to think that I would never consciously choose a poor response, but my recent behavior suggests otherwise. Sometimes, we can be so myopic, that the smallest thing becomes huge. When, in fact, if the view is from a more “normal” distance, it is really nothing at all. In this instance, I thought I had every right to be angry. Maybe I did, but I didn’t have a right to take it out on another human being created in the image of God. My behavior should have been altered in order to give space for The Lord to be able to work in and through it all. Unfortunately, that did not happen. I was pressed and what came out of the press was not pretty. I could and should have chosen a better path.
Repentant? Yes. Able to make it right? Not likely. Like Peter weeping after denying Christ, the damage is done. Yet even in the midst of a “mess up”, God can use our shortcomings as a means of growth. The struggle Paul talks about in Romans is the continual battle between our natural and supernatural selves. If we are determined to follow Christ completely, we will allow God to use our missteps and shortcomings to teach and grow us so that next time we do better. One day, that natural man will have no power over us. I can hardly wait.